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Random uncensored thoughts from a girl who is dabbling in barefoot running. Exploring a running existence without shoes. Just explored an existence without running for three years. Didn't work out so well.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

10 feet ahead

That's as far ahead as I need to plan. At least in my running world.

With barefooting it's all about looking out about 10 feet ahead and scanning - scanning. It actually becomes sort of meditative. I'm sure that's not hard to believe.

Looking for rocks mostly. Just like life. Trying to avoid the bruises. But sometimes the land mine stretches out before you and there is only one way to the other side.

This was the case on the home stretch of my Hospital Hill 5k. They called this particular quarter mile "liberty hill". So apt. It was a slow grade downhill. In shoes, no big deal. Barefoot, it was all-in mind over matter. Downhill barefooting just sort of happens to you. Anyway, I haven't figured out how to control it yet.

On this particular day, liberty hill laid right through a construction zone, leaving a merciless layer of chalky gravel carpet the whole way down. But I wasn't going to stop. In fact I barely slowed.

Deep breath. There will be an end to it. Hit the gravel and see what you are supposed to learn about yourself. This was my pep self-talk.

And so I did. Concentrating only on maintaining my gait, breathing. Breathing. I felt the rocks, but I didn't. That surprised me. The constant pain was dull like a fading car passing. Like a detached observation. Like liberty.

Then it was over. Before I could really absorb what happened. Before I could be scared or proud.

I did bruise. And I'm glad for it. Now I know what it feels like - what to expect.

Ultimately, I don't think the lessons I learned are what I was supposed to. I'm pretty sure that "barrel through it and turn yourself off" won't make it to a Dove Treasures chocolate wrapper epithet.

I don't care. It works for me - when I can see the rocks and bruising coming.

Barreling through and shutting down..

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dear You-know-who-you-are,

I'm sorry I said Those Words. Those Words were not about you, they were about me.

I do not think you were only here to take what you needed. I sometimes wonder what else I offer of value, but this is not new. So it is not about you.

Those Words are typical of what I say to myself.

And then you feel bad that I feel bad because I said Those Words that hurt. It should not be that way.

Let me sit in my wrongness. It's only right.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Duality

This isn't a new blog. But I don't know that girl who said those things 3 years ago. So I erased her.

She had a few interesting ideas, though. And the sole baring (barefoot running) and soul baring are still part of her. Or is it soul bearing? It's all of these.